The Lexiphage's Retirement Plan

Hello, everyone- just popping in for a quick post.
My Biggest Fan recently asked me about my theory regarding RSP's sp I thought I'd inflict it upon you all. It goes something like this:

The concept of an RSP is that as income is taxes to a proportionately larger degree based on your income, by moving some of your income into an RSP you lower your current income, and avoid paying taxes, and in the future your retirement income will be extremely low 'cuz you already own everything, thusly needing less. By living then on an extremely low income, you either pay only a little tax or avoid the taxman entirely, and so in a small sense, some of your money NEVER is taxed.

This will work for those who have already retired and those who will retire soon; those who are planning to work for the next decade or two may find a different strategy is required.

This is the core reason:
GOVERNMENTS DO NOT LOWER TAXES. EVER. Now don't get me wrong, sometime we get the odd little cut here and there, but it is the nature of bureacracy to defend its own existance (and budget). Thusly, a government program, once initiated will more likely than not continue to run and spend money whether it is successful or not. Over the larger scene, what this means is that a goverment over time will spend more regardless of what they say regarding fiscal responsibility, transparency of government, or other myths. Our population is aging, and as the baby boomers approach retirement age our government nears the point where it will have to subsist on taxes from retirees. Once a large enough portion of our population is living on lower-tax or tax-free income, the government will simply change the rules to tax them extra hard. There's no escaping it.
So my thought is to invest, as much as possible, in items that never lose their value, or items that will never lose their value to you, anyway. Don't borrow against your home equity for a bigger RSP, you idiot, pay off your house instead. Invest in canned food and shotgun shells, build your own backyard power plant and drill your own well; make a nice fortified stone wall around your yard with battlements and gun slits. Convert your basement into a fallout shelter. Buy lots of bear traps to scatter around in a way that's pleasing to the eye and await the socioeconomic collapse with a peaceful heart.
When the government begins seizing all of the citizen's financial assets and martial law is all that keeps the marauding bands of flesh-eating nuclear mutants at bay, you'll know you made a good investment.
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Thanks for tuning in....
Join us next week for the next exiting adventure with
The Timorous Lexiphage.

The Inexorable Steamroller of Time

Hello everyone!
Once again good taste and comman decency have been set aside so the Lexiphage can come to town!
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While the foolish Americans are busy celebrating Thanksgiving, up here in the more highly evolved Canada, we have a far more important celebration planned. By that I of course am referring to the Birthday of the Lexiphage, where yours truly turns a decrepit old 34 years of age. Thanks to all of you for the well-wishes, e-cards, e-mails, and E. Coli sent my way.
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So, lately I have been fighting a heroic battle against the looming monster of Pneumonia, a viscous little bug which has, due to our fine medical establishment's help, had a free month or so to flourish in the fertile soil which is my bod. The smurfs have also been dealing with milder versions of this particular evil, but as they have not personally badmouthed any public officials or pharmaceutical companies lately they'll probably survive.
The Lexiphage is also apparently higher in cholesterol than lard... the doctor discovered this when my blood sample came out yellow and he ate some of it on toast.
All of this assumes the doctor is right about all of this junk, which would be an unusual occurrance (in my experience if a doctor makes a correct diagnosis it's because he's looking at the wrong patient) but just in case I've stopped licking out my frying pan after cooking bacon in peanut oil.
The Neighbour Lady crafted a nice Birthday dinner for yours truly, and despite my current health-challenged status, I was able to wolf it down, taking only a few short breaks to collapse and cough out a lung. I was appreciative and ended my day on a positive note, unlike the beginning of the day which was... NOT positive.
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Speaking of NOT positive, Steven Harper finally pulled the Stupid Thing. You see, once a public official gets elected, I like to keep track of how long they can go without doing something abysmally and totally stupid, or just plain evil. I don't mean a little stupid, mediocre, or misguided, but something really shitty. This then becomes a useful scale to measure the quality of our leaders. For example, Jean Cretien got through nearly a full term before it started to come out he'd been diabolically evil the whole time... Dalton McGuinty pulled his Stupid Thing when he first opened his mouth during his election campaign.

Steve-o just declared Quebec a freakin' nation, so once again we have to go through that whole process again. Apparently, the Bloc Quebecois was about to table a law that said Quebec was a nation separate from Canada, so Harper's big idea is to counter that by saying "country-yes, seperate-no".
Really, I mean he's the first non-Quebecer Prime Minister we've had since Joe Clark (I think) and naturally despite that he's gonna spend his time french kissing the separatists' corn shutes. Way to go, Steve-o, way to go.
Well, I've spent about enough time bitching...
Until I stop hacking up phlegm, Ciao from
The Scrofulous Lexiphage.

Political Garbage

Hello everyone. I hate to open this can of worms, but my biggest fan has an unhealthy obsession with debate (see her blog, the link is below).
Here are my points:
1) Bush is, granted, an idiot.
2) I find it remarkable that there is currently an industry forming of people who feel the need to tell everyone else that Bush is an idiot.
3) Bush is perhaps a warmonger, but let's face it, so is every other American President, and when Bush gets voted out he will be replaced with another warmongering President. The Americans will not tolerate a peacenick Pres.
4) There was already two movies published by Micheal Moore whose subject was Bush's idiocy (Bowling for Columbine featured this heavily, and Farenheit 9-11 was about this subject entirely). Does there need to be another one?
5) Maybe the Dixie Chicks said more regarding their position, but all I heard was the bit about being ashamed of Bush. Maybe if they had said something about not agreeing with the war I'd be less critical, but Politics is not, in my opinion, a forum for personal sniping (not to say that everyone doesn't do it, but I'm critical of the entire trend).
6) Cretien was at least as big a shmuck as Bush, if not exactly an idiot... why did no one make a movie about him, or the fact that when they were in power the shooting in Afghanistan was a GOOD idea, whereas now that they are not in power, it is a BAD one.
7) Are there any Canadian soldiers in Iraq? It was my impression that we were sitting this one out... in fact, I seem to remember a controversy at the beginning of this whole mess about Canada staying out of it.
8) The idiots who support Bush and who ran around with picket signs and death threats are also idiots, and probably went too far.
9) It is a shame that people in postions of power abuse it in order to crush their opponents, but it's only been happening for 10,000 years and will probably be happening until Armageddon. Bush ain't the only one, he's just the one who got caught doing it recently. But like Jean Cretien, he'll never be prosecuted for any breach of trust, no matter how many people were crushed. Anybody remember the Smothers Brothers?
10) The Dixie Chicks are whining and bitching, pure and simple, and whilst I can't credit them with this much intellect I wouldn't be surprised if the thing wasn't some kind of publicity stunt because in the end they'll be more popular than ever. At the very least, they'll pull in as much money with their movie as they ever did with their CDs.

To sum up:
Bush is an idiot. I agree. I understand. I get it. I've heard something about it every time I've turned on the TV for years now. Every celebrity and their grandmother has decided to make themselves look thoughtful by repeating that Bush is an idiot. I get it. I understand. I'm sure when I watch TV tonight, I'll hear Angelina Jolie, or the Dixie Chicks, or Dermot Mulroney or Paul Martin or David Letterman, or Jean Cretien, or Martha Stewart, or some other newscaster or singer or actor or author or politician or comedian say, once again, that Bush is an idiot. I'm sure that on this side of the border, every time we have an election for the next seventy years, the Conservative side will be heckled because they are right wing (not really by the States' standards, but by ours) and Bush is right wing, and Bush is an idiot. I get it. I understand. It really just surprises me that with around half of the world bitching about George W., how come nobody has a single interesting or thoughtful thing to say about it?

There you go. Rant over.
Bye bye for now, the Vociferous Lexiphage.

How to Tune a Fish (not a piano)... not really

Hello Interneteers, at long last your lexiphage-free diet has been interrupted with some pithy goodness.
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First off, the basic Lexiphamily's news: Mya continues to expand her solid-eating repertoire, as does Gavin's speech; the Neighbour Lady is having her usual issues with the Neighbour Offspring but is otherwise okay due to her increased exposure to myself.
In other news, McGuinty has a new idea that will make high school students suddenly want to graduate. I haven't read it yet, but rest assured I will have comments.
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Now that the basics are covered, I wish to rant about a subject which irks me greatly. First, let me say I am not an ardent or even casual Dubya supporter; I am well aware that in the name of democracy three quarters of the free world will shoot anyone who says Dubya isn't a moron. That being said, I have a problem with the Dixie Chicks and their stupid movie.
From what I understand, and please, correct me if I'm wrong (don't laugh, it'll happen one day) the actual quotation that got everybody so weird about these idiots was something along the lines of "...We think it's a travesty that our president is a man from Texas!"
Lo and behold, the Dixie Chicks career suddenly is in peril!!!!
Now, I realize country music is an institution that is not overwhelmed with Mensa members, but the insinuation that the troubles they now face actually are a result of the evil Bush People persecuting them makes me amazed they can figure out which end of the cowboy hat goes on the head.
I will not comment here on the stereotypes of Texans; suffice to say they are well-know to us all. However, the implication that the largest state has no right to install the Prez is pretty assinine... The real moronism here is the implication that other southern states, by being like Texas, are equally invalid. You know, like Tennessee... home of NASHVILLE!!!! DUH!
Really, if giving the finger to the southern states, including the whole frickin' country music recording industry, doesn't ruin their careers, that country is more screwed up than I thought.
Therefore, a message to the Dixie Chicks, and all who worked on their whining "You done me wrong" movie:
ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID??? I mean, you apparently play guitar and foster the impression you can write music, stand upright and dress yourselves... CAN you be THAT STUPID???
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As an aside, the whole Country music phenomenon irritates me. It's the superiority thing that does it to me- that whole "cowboys are tough, ain't nothin' like a country girl, real man, real music" thing that really grates on me, although the "rootin' tootin', honky-tonk, yee-haw" thing doesn't help.
Primarily, of course, it comes down to two real points of contention- first, the hats, and second, the weird notion that buying expensive silk shirts, developing a fake drawl and bitching about your cheatin' wife stealin' the pickup truck to run off with your favourite sheep has anything at all to do with the era of Billy the Kid 150 years ago. It's like a Star Trek convention, only it's like 30% of the globe taking part.
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Bunch o' weirdos.
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You know, I've been waiting to get that off of my chest for a long time. I feel better now. Ahhhhhhhhh.....
Ciao for a bit,
The Cathartic Lexiphage.