The Inexorable Steamroller of Time
Hello everyone!
Once again good taste and comman decency have been set aside so the Lexiphage can come to town!
...
While the foolish Americans are busy celebrating Thanksgiving, up here in the more highly evolved Canada, we have a far more important celebration planned. By that I of course am referring to the Birthday of the Lexiphage, where yours truly turns a decrepit old 34 years of age. Thanks to all of you for the well-wishes, e-cards, e-mails, and E. Coli sent my way.
...
So, lately I have been fighting a heroic battle against the looming monster of Pneumonia, a viscous little bug which has, due to our fine medical establishment's help, had a free month or so to flourish in the fertile soil which is my bod. The smurfs have also been dealing with milder versions of this particular evil, but as they have not personally badmouthed any public officials or pharmaceutical companies lately they'll probably survive.
The Lexiphage is also apparently higher in cholesterol than lard... the doctor discovered this when my blood sample came out yellow and he ate some of it on toast.
All of this assumes the doctor is right about all of this junk, which would be an unusual occurrance (in my experience if a doctor makes a correct diagnosis it's because he's looking at the wrong patient) but just in case I've stopped licking out my frying pan after cooking bacon in peanut oil.
The Neighbour Lady crafted a nice Birthday dinner for yours truly, and despite my current health-challenged status, I was able to wolf it down, taking only a few short breaks to collapse and cough out a lung. I was appreciative and ended my day on a positive note, unlike the beginning of the day which was... NOT positive.
...
Speaking of NOT positive, Steven Harper finally pulled the Stupid Thing. You see, once a public official gets elected, I like to keep track of how long they can go without doing something abysmally and totally stupid, or just plain evil. I don't mean a little stupid, mediocre, or misguided, but something really shitty. This then becomes a useful scale to measure the quality of our leaders. For example, Jean Cretien got through nearly a full term before it started to come out he'd been diabolically evil the whole time... Dalton McGuinty pulled his Stupid Thing when he first opened his mouth during his election campaign.
Steve-o just declared Quebec a freakin' nation, so once again we have to go through that whole process again. Apparently, the Bloc Quebecois was about to table a law that said Quebec was a nation separate from Canada, so Harper's big idea is to counter that by saying "country-yes, seperate-no".
Really, I mean he's the first non-Quebecer Prime Minister we've had since Joe Clark (I think) and naturally despite that he's gonna spend his time french kissing the separatists' corn shutes. Way to go, Steve-o, way to go.
Well, I've spent about enough time bitching...
Until I stop hacking up phlegm, Ciao from
The Scrofulous Lexiphage.
Once again good taste and comman decency have been set aside so the Lexiphage can come to town!
...
While the foolish Americans are busy celebrating Thanksgiving, up here in the more highly evolved Canada, we have a far more important celebration planned. By that I of course am referring to the Birthday of the Lexiphage, where yours truly turns a decrepit old 34 years of age. Thanks to all of you for the well-wishes, e-cards, e-mails, and E. Coli sent my way.
...
So, lately I have been fighting a heroic battle against the looming monster of Pneumonia, a viscous little bug which has, due to our fine medical establishment's help, had a free month or so to flourish in the fertile soil which is my bod. The smurfs have also been dealing with milder versions of this particular evil, but as they have not personally badmouthed any public officials or pharmaceutical companies lately they'll probably survive.
The Lexiphage is also apparently higher in cholesterol than lard... the doctor discovered this when my blood sample came out yellow and he ate some of it on toast.
All of this assumes the doctor is right about all of this junk, which would be an unusual occurrance (in my experience if a doctor makes a correct diagnosis it's because he's looking at the wrong patient) but just in case I've stopped licking out my frying pan after cooking bacon in peanut oil.
The Neighbour Lady crafted a nice Birthday dinner for yours truly, and despite my current health-challenged status, I was able to wolf it down, taking only a few short breaks to collapse and cough out a lung. I was appreciative and ended my day on a positive note, unlike the beginning of the day which was... NOT positive.
...
Speaking of NOT positive, Steven Harper finally pulled the Stupid Thing. You see, once a public official gets elected, I like to keep track of how long they can go without doing something abysmally and totally stupid, or just plain evil. I don't mean a little stupid, mediocre, or misguided, but something really shitty. This then becomes a useful scale to measure the quality of our leaders. For example, Jean Cretien got through nearly a full term before it started to come out he'd been diabolically evil the whole time... Dalton McGuinty pulled his Stupid Thing when he first opened his mouth during his election campaign.
Steve-o just declared Quebec a freakin' nation, so once again we have to go through that whole process again. Apparently, the Bloc Quebecois was about to table a law that said Quebec was a nation separate from Canada, so Harper's big idea is to counter that by saying "country-yes, seperate-no".
Really, I mean he's the first non-Quebecer Prime Minister we've had since Joe Clark (I think) and naturally despite that he's gonna spend his time french kissing the separatists' corn shutes. Way to go, Steve-o, way to go.
Well, I've spent about enough time bitching...
Until I stop hacking up phlegm, Ciao from
The Scrofulous Lexiphage.
posted by The Lexiphage at 2:20 a.m.
5 Comments:
You didn't even touch on the Income Trust debacle, or otherwise known as the "Hallowe'en Day Massacre", where he reached into the pockets of Canadians who save and stole their nest eggs, while disguising it as fair taxation on Corporations.
Oh, I knew about that one and figured it was par for the course.
Incidentally, Mum & Grandma- remember what I said about RSP's?
What did you say about RSPs?
It's really hard to comment on your blog when I can't see through the tears from laughing
Post a Comment
<< Home