Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Rabid Wolverines


Okay folks, I have several important things to fill you in on.
Item #1: The Rabid Wolverine (seeing as how that's the title, I'll start there)- The Neighbour Lady's younger Smurf comes in the other day crying 'cuz she sees what she figures is a skunk and she says it's dying down by the creek. Despite her mother's and my insistence that she stay the hell away from the wounded, smelly animal, she refuses so we decide to go down and check it out. It the creek behind my house is a creature scrabbling around the rocks with about 20 kids watching it. Apparently it had been trapped under a 5 or 6 pound rock, and was walking slowly and bobbing its' head around for food or something...
I've seen many skunks in my time, and folks, that was no skunk, unless it painted over its striping and gained about 15 or 20 pounds. It wasn't a badger, 'cuz it had a bushy tail like a big squirrel, but otherwise I would've thought that... I saw a drawing of a wolverine once, and as best as I could tell, that bloody thing matched. Well, if it had been under the rock the kids had pointed out, the only thing I could say was the rock was probably in trouble. I'm well aware that southern Ontario is not the normal habitat of the little monsters, so I had a little self-doubt, but I told everyone what I thought and tried to shoo away the kids, then went home and looked up wolverines on the internet to get a picture better than a half-remembered sketch. The pics I found looked like they were this thing's family photos.
Incidentally, the info that I got were that the wolverine normally lives in BC, the Yukon and places in that area, and that they are 'rare' further east than that. The weight class appeared about right- the stats said something like 20 to 45 pounds, and this sucker would've weighed around 25 pounds or so...
Anyway, none of the kids believed that something of that size could take your arm off so they continued to poke at it until someone called the OSPCA to come check it out. I don't know what happened, but I ain't going to look.
...
The Neighbour Lady and I have been lurking together in the same holes in the ground lately, so apparently the Insane Ex has been replaced. The Neighbour Lady is only crazy in ways I like, and she has this strange habit of doing nice things for me instead of kicking me in the head, making this a rather unique relationship for me... I've been finding it harder to be as grumpy as I'm used to, so I'll have to step up the efforts to bring down McGuinty and his nefarious band of skulduggerous miscreants.
...
Mya's eating habits continue to improve, as does Gavin's speech capabilities... I'm starting to teach him how to write, but I've got a long way to go as I can barely get him to make a mark on the chaulkboard.
...
Well, I've annoyed you all for long enough for the moment... now I will retreat to my evil laundry room where I am preparing a towel for a diabolical political scheme.
Until a future date,
The Fulminant Lexiphage

5 Comments:

Blogger Fiddling Granny said...

Watch the Era-Banner, they'll have an article about the vacationing wolverine-ish critter ... that 's pretty big news for the area!

So, the Neighbour Lady eh? I was starting to wonder. I'll be looking for details soon ... being the nosy mother and all.

6:59 a.m.  
Blogger SusanE said...

Phone the SPCA, I want to know. I've always thought wolverines were cool, ever since "Old Yeller" or "Savage Sam" can't remember which.

Neighbour lady sounds like she might make an interesting thread to add to your blog.

8:27 a.m.  
Blogger Mr Gryper said...

Westjet has been getting a lot of new business lately and I think they started in B.C. or Alberta maybe that explains it.

Good going Cam, I was starting to worry about rust forming or stagnation setting in.

9:01 a.m.  
Blogger SusanE said...

Your a pig Dad.

3:35 p.m.  
Blogger Cherylinn said...

I would love to know the final outcome of the wolverine as well.

I heard throught the grapevine that you've been seen walking up Davis Drive with a woman....we want more details on that as well.

6:42 a.m.  

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