And There Was Much Rejoicing
Hello, everyone! At long last, the Lexiphage has returned!
It's been a week since my last post, and verily I say unto you, much has transpired, eh? Peruse all as you desire:
...
Mr. Gryper has been conspiring to repair my laundry facilities, and after approximately a week of hard labour has succeeded admirably. In celebration I jumped up and down, giggled, filled out a census form which says I'm a middle-aged African-Canadian woman who works with textiles in Newfoundland, and ate TWO tuna sandwiches. For the next moon I plan to lurk in my subterranean lair, wreaking laundry-based havoc to all who cross my path.
Many thanks to Mr. Gryper. whose technical expertise vastly outstrips my own. I guess we all have an Achilles Heel, and appliance repair is apparently mine.
...
The Smurfs are still attending their corral three times a week, and Gavin's speech, whilst still erratic, is improving in clarity. Mya has developed a new skill- pulling the stuffing out of her beloved baby doll and sucking clumps of it. Apparently she still has not entirely grasped the parent-child relationship as yet...
...
The Fortress of Anger has its (supposedly) last hurrah this Thursday, and following close after that the lawyers who serve on the side of justice will attempt to screw me over and wriggle out of their part of my courtroom deal. Serves me right to deal with lawyers... anyhoo, it is theoretically possible I will be not considered a criminal in as little as eight days. What is the world coming to? If I manage to weasel out of semi-righteous retribution, I plan to send a nice thank-you letter to a certain Mr. McGuinty, detailing how his cronies must have screwed up to keep me out of prison.
...
Also of note, a mere seven months after I filed my paperwork, the feds have finally figured out that I have custody of my kids, and apparently my tax issues are now dealt with, only 4 months before the end of the fiscal year. I realize it was a complex concept, and so naturally our government couldn't handle it on its own and contracted out sixteen legal experts from across Europe and Asia, and flew each of them here by way of private jets (they were all in the appropriate countries anyway as the Prime Minister sent out for doughnuts), put them up for the summer in the Royal York Hotel, and paid them consultant fees of $40,000 to $118,000 each. Between the lot of them they finally worked out the meaning of "single father" and sent me a letter pretending they'd known the answer all along.
...
The Insane Ex has recently been ominously quiet... recently I found out from a freind of hers that this is because she is back in the loonybin again under lock and key, so no doubt she'll be showing up on my doorstep any minute with a rusty hatchet and a need for cash. Luckily for me, I'm still more or less broke.
...
Well, I think I've treated you people (YOU PEOPLE? what did I mean by that??!!) to enough wisdom, so I'd better go before you get spoiled. Until next time, glare suspiciously over your shoulder!
Hugs and kisses,
The Obsequious Lexiphage.
It's been a week since my last post, and verily I say unto you, much has transpired, eh? Peruse all as you desire:
...
Mr. Gryper has been conspiring to repair my laundry facilities, and after approximately a week of hard labour has succeeded admirably. In celebration I jumped up and down, giggled, filled out a census form which says I'm a middle-aged African-Canadian woman who works with textiles in Newfoundland, and ate TWO tuna sandwiches. For the next moon I plan to lurk in my subterranean lair, wreaking laundry-based havoc to all who cross my path.
Many thanks to Mr. Gryper. whose technical expertise vastly outstrips my own. I guess we all have an Achilles Heel, and appliance repair is apparently mine.
...
The Smurfs are still attending their corral three times a week, and Gavin's speech, whilst still erratic, is improving in clarity. Mya has developed a new skill- pulling the stuffing out of her beloved baby doll and sucking clumps of it. Apparently she still has not entirely grasped the parent-child relationship as yet...
...
The Fortress of Anger has its (supposedly) last hurrah this Thursday, and following close after that the lawyers who serve on the side of justice will attempt to screw me over and wriggle out of their part of my courtroom deal. Serves me right to deal with lawyers... anyhoo, it is theoretically possible I will be not considered a criminal in as little as eight days. What is the world coming to? If I manage to weasel out of semi-righteous retribution, I plan to send a nice thank-you letter to a certain Mr. McGuinty, detailing how his cronies must have screwed up to keep me out of prison.
...
Also of note, a mere seven months after I filed my paperwork, the feds have finally figured out that I have custody of my kids, and apparently my tax issues are now dealt with, only 4 months before the end of the fiscal year. I realize it was a complex concept, and so naturally our government couldn't handle it on its own and contracted out sixteen legal experts from across Europe and Asia, and flew each of them here by way of private jets (they were all in the appropriate countries anyway as the Prime Minister sent out for doughnuts), put them up for the summer in the Royal York Hotel, and paid them consultant fees of $40,000 to $118,000 each. Between the lot of them they finally worked out the meaning of "single father" and sent me a letter pretending they'd known the answer all along.
...
The Insane Ex has recently been ominously quiet... recently I found out from a freind of hers that this is because she is back in the loonybin again under lock and key, so no doubt she'll be showing up on my doorstep any minute with a rusty hatchet and a need for cash. Luckily for me, I'm still more or less broke.
...
Well, I think I've treated you people (YOU PEOPLE? what did I mean by that??!!) to enough wisdom, so I'd better go before you get spoiled. Until next time, glare suspiciously over your shoulder!
Hugs and kisses,
The Obsequious Lexiphage.
posted by The Lexiphage at 1:31 p.m.
3 Comments:
Mr Gryper fixed BOTH the washer and the dryer?!?!? NO wonder thre was much rejoicing! AND you've finally got your "single father" designation at long last!
What a week!
Laundry must be a thrill now.
Congratulations on a (hopefully) successful completion of your anger course.
I just want to make an observation on the anger thing. While fixing the W & D, I heard him upstairs vent on somebody, so much for that.
Anger management is just a @#$%$#@#@ waste of time, if all those #@@@#$@ judges and #$%^& lawyers were loaded on an old ship then half way across the ocean they made good use of one of the rusty old junk subs Britain dumped on that G@#$%%$$@@#$ liberal govt and torpedoed the ship, THAT would be anger management.
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