I lost my bulk discount
Hello-utations yet again, folks, the Lexiphage has once again decided to drag his rear end in front of the computer desk to brag, rant, and generally make an ass of himself.
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It has come to my attention that my posts are becoming less frequent. This may be because I am no longer purchasing my words wholesale and therefore no longer get the great discount I used to. I talked to the people at the Price Club about it, and they said that they had real work to do and I should get some help.
...
Yesterday was probably the worst rainstorm in recent memory, so it was valuable for the experience when I wound up outside in it with both the kids in the stroller. I think some kind of Rain God was messing with me because it was erratic enough that I kept getting fooled. To give an example: First thing in the morning, I leave the house with the kids in the stroller to take them to their preschool program. It starts to spit a little, just after I leave, so I have to stop in mid-stride to grab the kids' jackets, but I figure, heck, a little misting never hurt anyone... once I was too far to turn around, I heard a thundercrack that sounded suspiciously like that snorting sound some people make when they try not to laugh, and then four seconds later we were all thouroughly moistened, except where the raincoats covered (except Mya, the rear half of the stroller has a canopy. Only her legs were wet). I got them to school, and while I was inside, the rain slowed down to a drizzle again, so after I dropped them off, I figured I'd do some bill-paying (my favourite activity) and so I was an appropriate distance from cover when the Rain God smote me again.
(As an aside here, I must post a disclaimer. Rain God is a well-known term and thusly the one I chose; no disrespect was meant to the Big Man Upstairs... perhaps I should have said Evil Rain Spirit, but that has less of a ring to it).
I eventually returned to the kids' school rather saturated, such that I stayed indoors whilst I drip-dried. While I was getting ready to leave once again, Gavin showed his true colours by running out into the rain repeatedly, so he was pretty soaked before we even started.
Needless to say, we eventually had to start out again, so I waited for what looked like a thinning out of the downpour, but once again it was merely a lure. We ended up getting on a bus 2 blocks away drenched right through the raincoats (except, once again, for Mya's top half).
We arrived home and fired up the hot chocolate, ditched the wet duds, and when the sun came out after that I gave the Rain God the finger and stayed indoors.
...
Well, I think that about covers it. I'm gonna go inhale some caffeine. This weekend the maternal half of my ubiquitous family will swarm over my aunt's farm, and doubtless I'll have a horde of embarassing stories to regale you with then.
Since I didn't mention the Evil McGuinty in this paticular rant, he'll have to take a Parthian finger as compensation.
Au revoir,
The Contumely Lexiphage
...
It has come to my attention that my posts are becoming less frequent. This may be because I am no longer purchasing my words wholesale and therefore no longer get the great discount I used to. I talked to the people at the Price Club about it, and they said that they had real work to do and I should get some help.
...
Yesterday was probably the worst rainstorm in recent memory, so it was valuable for the experience when I wound up outside in it with both the kids in the stroller. I think some kind of Rain God was messing with me because it was erratic enough that I kept getting fooled. To give an example: First thing in the morning, I leave the house with the kids in the stroller to take them to their preschool program. It starts to spit a little, just after I leave, so I have to stop in mid-stride to grab the kids' jackets, but I figure, heck, a little misting never hurt anyone... once I was too far to turn around, I heard a thundercrack that sounded suspiciously like that snorting sound some people make when they try not to laugh, and then four seconds later we were all thouroughly moistened, except where the raincoats covered (except Mya, the rear half of the stroller has a canopy. Only her legs were wet). I got them to school, and while I was inside, the rain slowed down to a drizzle again, so after I dropped them off, I figured I'd do some bill-paying (my favourite activity) and so I was an appropriate distance from cover when the Rain God smote me again.
(As an aside here, I must post a disclaimer. Rain God is a well-known term and thusly the one I chose; no disrespect was meant to the Big Man Upstairs... perhaps I should have said Evil Rain Spirit, but that has less of a ring to it).
I eventually returned to the kids' school rather saturated, such that I stayed indoors whilst I drip-dried. While I was getting ready to leave once again, Gavin showed his true colours by running out into the rain repeatedly, so he was pretty soaked before we even started.
Needless to say, we eventually had to start out again, so I waited for what looked like a thinning out of the downpour, but once again it was merely a lure. We ended up getting on a bus 2 blocks away drenched right through the raincoats (except, once again, for Mya's top half).
We arrived home and fired up the hot chocolate, ditched the wet duds, and when the sun came out after that I gave the Rain God the finger and stayed indoors.
...
Well, I think that about covers it. I'm gonna go inhale some caffeine. This weekend the maternal half of my ubiquitous family will swarm over my aunt's farm, and doubtless I'll have a horde of embarassing stories to regale you with then.
Since I didn't mention the Evil McGuinty in this paticular rant, he'll have to take a Parthian finger as compensation.
Au revoir,
The Contumely Lexiphage
posted by The Lexiphage at 9:10 a.m.
2 Comments:
I'd comment, but I just got my bifocals and I can't actually turn my head to see what I'm typing..... oh gawd I'm feeling sick just doing this.
(explanation is in my blog, to difficult to repeat it here.)
I don't know who I laughed hardest at, the Lexiphage or susane
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