Sticky Heaps of Wisdom
Salutations, fellow humanoids... this is once again the honest-to-goodness Lexiphage... accept no substitutions!
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Bit of Wisdom #1: As pointed out by my number 1 fan, I also have noticed the time for entries on my blogs are always off. There are several reasons for this:
1) I never bother to set the thing.
2) Probably someone set it up in a different time zone (?) and
3) The time posted is doubtless the time it goes up after approval from the government, who, as everyone knows, reads all of our personal correspondance as a matter of course. Well, they skim it. Any time they read anything too critical of their pigdog regime they arrange a disappearance... fortunately, it has to be done in an inconspicuous manner, which occasionally makes it difficult. Thus far my genius has allowed me to elude their lawful retribution, but how long will that last...?
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Bit of Wisdom #2: Never attempt to eat a handful of thumbtacks.
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Bit of Wisdom #3: Life is like warm, wet putty in the hands of God... if you're a good boy or girl he'll let you stick your finger into it and maybe lick it off...
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Bit of Wisdom #4: If you have attempted to eat a handful of thumbtacks, a glass of water will NOT help them to get down.
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Bit of Wisdom #5: Democracy was originally invented in Athens, Greece in ancient times to combat the tumult caused by every king's rule lasting only long enough to get stabbed in the back by some guy who wanted to be king. In other words, it was invented for the purpose of increasing stability; there was no point assassinating a democratic leader as someone new would be elected a short time afterwords anyway. This shining beacon of humanitarianism allowed anyone to take part, thereby keeping everyone reasonably happy (or at least less angry), again, to increase stability. Of course, only those whose opinions actually mattered were taken into account (thusly women, the lower classes, the sick & infirm, immigrants, slaves, people born outside of marriage, criminals, or people below the age of 30 or above the age of 60, or anyone who lost the fight when their neighbour wrestled their voting disc off of them, were disqualified). It is in that fine tradition that Western society does its' best to hand us a small group of people to choose from every election day, and makes sure that no one who has a decent chance of winning is worth voting for. That is why, next election, make sure you vote- a vote for one candidate is a vote AGAINST all the others.
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Bit of Wisdom #6: An inexpensive way to make a bullet-proof vest is to take a tank-top, soak it in a pot of chili, and then wear it continuously until it fossilizes.
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Well, that's probably enough wisdom for the likes of you. Don't want to overwhelm you or anything. Take a few years to absorb it and maybe I'll write another after that.
Until later then, may your mouth be free of thumbtacks, your shirt of chili, and your future of elections; signed,
The Antedeluvian Lexiphage.
...
Bit of Wisdom #1: As pointed out by my number 1 fan, I also have noticed the time for entries on my blogs are always off. There are several reasons for this:
1) I never bother to set the thing.
2) Probably someone set it up in a different time zone (?) and
3) The time posted is doubtless the time it goes up after approval from the government, who, as everyone knows, reads all of our personal correspondance as a matter of course. Well, they skim it. Any time they read anything too critical of their pigdog regime they arrange a disappearance... fortunately, it has to be done in an inconspicuous manner, which occasionally makes it difficult. Thus far my genius has allowed me to elude their lawful retribution, but how long will that last...?
...
Bit of Wisdom #2: Never attempt to eat a handful of thumbtacks.
...
Bit of Wisdom #3: Life is like warm, wet putty in the hands of God... if you're a good boy or girl he'll let you stick your finger into it and maybe lick it off...
...
Bit of Wisdom #4: If you have attempted to eat a handful of thumbtacks, a glass of water will NOT help them to get down.
...
Bit of Wisdom #5: Democracy was originally invented in Athens, Greece in ancient times to combat the tumult caused by every king's rule lasting only long enough to get stabbed in the back by some guy who wanted to be king. In other words, it was invented for the purpose of increasing stability; there was no point assassinating a democratic leader as someone new would be elected a short time afterwords anyway. This shining beacon of humanitarianism allowed anyone to take part, thereby keeping everyone reasonably happy (or at least less angry), again, to increase stability. Of course, only those whose opinions actually mattered were taken into account (thusly women, the lower classes, the sick & infirm, immigrants, slaves, people born outside of marriage, criminals, or people below the age of 30 or above the age of 60, or anyone who lost the fight when their neighbour wrestled their voting disc off of them, were disqualified). It is in that fine tradition that Western society does its' best to hand us a small group of people to choose from every election day, and makes sure that no one who has a decent chance of winning is worth voting for. That is why, next election, make sure you vote- a vote for one candidate is a vote AGAINST all the others.
...
Bit of Wisdom #6: An inexpensive way to make a bullet-proof vest is to take a tank-top, soak it in a pot of chili, and then wear it continuously until it fossilizes.
...
Well, that's probably enough wisdom for the likes of you. Don't want to overwhelm you or anything. Take a few years to absorb it and maybe I'll write another after that.
Until later then, may your mouth be free of thumbtacks, your shirt of chili, and your future of elections; signed,
The Antedeluvian Lexiphage.
posted by The Lexiphage at 10:04 p.m.
1 Comments:
Wow! I'm taking notes ... so much widome in one post!
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