The Thing That Lives Behind the Ketchup
How are ya doin', fans?
The Lexiphage once again lurks in the foggy quagmire of Internetland.
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So, the YRT bus people are messing with me now on my Fortress of Anger trips to Wood-a-Bridge; just to prove a point this past Thusday I left the bus station nearly a half-hour earlier than last week, so the bus people decide to let EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD happen on the way there- traffic jams, supervisors popping on the bus to chat, the bus driver forgetting how to hook up the wheelchair gadget, bad weather, the bus running 15 minutes late when I finally caught it and then getting LATER as they went on... I think they're just losing motivation. They don't care if they're late now, because they're just going to turn around and come back again anyway... and lastly, the ENTIRE trip there there weren't ANY attractive women to look at. What the hell? Were they trying to punish me? The only explanation I can think of is... McGuinty. He must be pulling strings again somehow. Or rather, his underlings have been instructed to bother me, because if it was him, he could never be so subtle and devious. Bastards!
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I really have to clean my fridge out. Yesterday when I opened the door I was certain I heard Spanish, a quiet "shhh!" and then silence. If there's anything speaking Spanish in my fridge, I may have a freshness problem. Unless it's just Mexican immigrants looking for free air conditioning... no, that would cause a freshness problem too...
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My daughter Mya has been really communicating lately- her vocabulary now includes "no", "hi", "Dad", "All Gone" (or maybe Al Gore... I'm not sure how interested she is in American politics). Also, my son Gavin's speech has become a lot more clear of late as his social circle increases. The Neighbour Lady says when she babysits him he's much easier to understand... Rock on!
...
Trouble ahead... the Insane Ex has sent a message that she's moving to Newmarket again... Bradford was bloody close enough. Looks like I'll have to dust off the old restraining order and make sure the cattle prod is nice and fully charged.
...
On the getting Mya's birth certificate front, I finally handed in the delayed Birth Registration form, hopefully putting the steel toes to the last issue the government has with the existance of my daughter. Now McGuinty will have to focus on me keeping her with me, what with my horrifying anger problem and the angelic non-crazyness of my foaming-at-the-mouth ex. Apparently she no longer thinks she's Jesus, anyway.
...
I'd better go- there's a mysterious delivery van parked down the street again and I have to go outside with a crowbar to say 'hi'. Then I'll have to spend most of the day (in a comlpletely unrelated story) cleaning my crowbar. My your cereal always be both saturated in milk yet completely crunchy,
The Curmudgeonly Lexiphage
The Lexiphage once again lurks in the foggy quagmire of Internetland.
...
So, the YRT bus people are messing with me now on my Fortress of Anger trips to Wood-a-Bridge; just to prove a point this past Thusday I left the bus station nearly a half-hour earlier than last week, so the bus people decide to let EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD happen on the way there- traffic jams, supervisors popping on the bus to chat, the bus driver forgetting how to hook up the wheelchair gadget, bad weather, the bus running 15 minutes late when I finally caught it and then getting LATER as they went on... I think they're just losing motivation. They don't care if they're late now, because they're just going to turn around and come back again anyway... and lastly, the ENTIRE trip there there weren't ANY attractive women to look at. What the hell? Were they trying to punish me? The only explanation I can think of is... McGuinty. He must be pulling strings again somehow. Or rather, his underlings have been instructed to bother me, because if it was him, he could never be so subtle and devious. Bastards!
...
I really have to clean my fridge out. Yesterday when I opened the door I was certain I heard Spanish, a quiet "shhh!" and then silence. If there's anything speaking Spanish in my fridge, I may have a freshness problem. Unless it's just Mexican immigrants looking for free air conditioning... no, that would cause a freshness problem too...
...
My daughter Mya has been really communicating lately- her vocabulary now includes "no", "hi", "Dad", "All Gone" (or maybe Al Gore... I'm not sure how interested she is in American politics). Also, my son Gavin's speech has become a lot more clear of late as his social circle increases. The Neighbour Lady says when she babysits him he's much easier to understand... Rock on!
...
Trouble ahead... the Insane Ex has sent a message that she's moving to Newmarket again... Bradford was bloody close enough. Looks like I'll have to dust off the old restraining order and make sure the cattle prod is nice and fully charged.
...
On the getting Mya's birth certificate front, I finally handed in the delayed Birth Registration form, hopefully putting the steel toes to the last issue the government has with the existance of my daughter. Now McGuinty will have to focus on me keeping her with me, what with my horrifying anger problem and the angelic non-crazyness of my foaming-at-the-mouth ex. Apparently she no longer thinks she's Jesus, anyway.
...
I'd better go- there's a mysterious delivery van parked down the street again and I have to go outside with a crowbar to say 'hi'. Then I'll have to spend most of the day (in a comlpletely unrelated story) cleaning my crowbar. My your cereal always be both saturated in milk yet completely crunchy,
The Curmudgeonly Lexiphage
posted by The Lexiphage at 8:22 a.m.
2 Comments:
I think that was one of your best posts yet!! I was snorting over the Al Gore comment.
I can't believe return move to Newmarket !!
I shared the Al Gore comment with Laurence. It was great meeting your kids Cam.
Missed our discussion. Next reunion we'll have to have one.
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