Fillins & Conspiracies
Hello everyone, at long last I have returned!
...
Let's see: Last month on the Lair of the Lexiphage, Lex himself got a new computer, was waiting for a bribery check from his arch-nemesis McGuinty, and the global conspiracy for world domination was closing its ethereal fingers around our beleaguered planet right on schedule. Well, to pick up where we left off:
...
My new computer seems to be functioning more-or-less the way I want it to; whilst it makes my old computer look, well, old in comparison, it still has junk Bill Gates crammed in there against all good sense and judgement. I regularly find crap that has to be removed such as trial versions of programs I don't want, links I can't get rid of to programs I don't need, and features absolutely neccessary to the usage of windows that were inexplicably left out when XP was "upgraded" to Vista. There are several obvious reasons Bill does this:
1) He doesn't like me, and wants me to know it.
2) He doesn't respect me as a consumer, and wants me to know it.
3) Having gained total control of the Operating System market despite the efforts of the courts, Bill is now systematically removing as much useful stuff as possible from Windows with each generation while increasing the computer power required, thus lowering the expectations of the consumer and thereby lowering his costs for the next insipid version he releases. Pretty soon he'll just get a cut from each computer sold despite the fact none of them will do a damn thing because of him. Then we'll have to start paying him just to take Windows off whenever we buy a computer.
4) Bill is part of the Evil Global Conspiracy, and as such is interested in bringing about the socioeconomic collapse neccessary for them to seize power. He and his cronies like McGuinty (who despite my assertions to the contrary cannot possibly be as stupid as he lets on- he is after all a vertebrate), Dubya, and evil organizations like the WTO, World Bank, the UN and the people who created the Care Bears (you just knew they were really evil in some way, didn't you?).
5) Bill doesn't have quite enough money, so until the socioeconomic collapse he has to get donations from advertising companies to buy bread, water, and the recreational drugs that give him these ideas.
6) Bill gets a kick out of stickin' it to us.
...
McGuinty did send me my bribery check, $500 just as he agreed without my collusion... and as I mentioned last time it was just at an appropriate time to purchase my new machine. Since I know he is using it to spy on me, I've transplanted a lot of the junk he put in the hard drive for me to a computer at a drive thru coffee shop in Des Moines, and have my webcam hooked up with a telescope attachment in the air duct system of an apartment building in St, John's, pointed straight at the back door of a porno theatre. That should keep him busy. In the meanwhile I continuously feed my computer disinformation in the hopes that he'll send the Men in Black to annoy someone else for a change.
...
My Internet will soon be unhooked temporarily, as I recently decided I don't want to pay in the Insane Ex's name any more... Rogers informed me the only way to get the account in my name without her speaking coherently with them for a few minutes is to just stop paying them 'till they shut her down. Then I can open up an entirely new account with them at my leisure. This, folks, is the TV and internet company I actually SELECTED, which tells you how high I value the competition.
...
The smurfs are coming along nicely, although Gav has yet to actually learn anything at IBI- so far they just spend a couple of hours each month testing him for their evil government plans... No doubt they won't make a serious effort to deal with autism because they created it to mess with us as an experiment, similar to the syphilis experiments they did on unsuspecting minorities in the thirties.
Despite this Gav has been improving his talking on a regular basis, recently saying "Good Morning" to his sister and occassionally having short conversations with me about things that happen to him at school. Mya seems to be on a break with learning lately, and hasn't been talking much; however she is climbing down stairs more-or-less by herself and has been walking outside a lot, albeit not where I want her to.
...
Well, I gotta go now- I have a new set of bear traps I have to leave around my garbage for the Hydro Thugs to find, and these decoy cameras don't set themselves up. Catcha later,
The Non-ablative Lexiphage.
...
Let's see: Last month on the Lair of the Lexiphage, Lex himself got a new computer, was waiting for a bribery check from his arch-nemesis McGuinty, and the global conspiracy for world domination was closing its ethereal fingers around our beleaguered planet right on schedule. Well, to pick up where we left off:
...
My new computer seems to be functioning more-or-less the way I want it to; whilst it makes my old computer look, well, old in comparison, it still has junk Bill Gates crammed in there against all good sense and judgement. I regularly find crap that has to be removed such as trial versions of programs I don't want, links I can't get rid of to programs I don't need, and features absolutely neccessary to the usage of windows that were inexplicably left out when XP was "upgraded" to Vista. There are several obvious reasons Bill does this:
1) He doesn't like me, and wants me to know it.
2) He doesn't respect me as a consumer, and wants me to know it.
3) Having gained total control of the Operating System market despite the efforts of the courts, Bill is now systematically removing as much useful stuff as possible from Windows with each generation while increasing the computer power required, thus lowering the expectations of the consumer and thereby lowering his costs for the next insipid version he releases. Pretty soon he'll just get a cut from each computer sold despite the fact none of them will do a damn thing because of him. Then we'll have to start paying him just to take Windows off whenever we buy a computer.
4) Bill is part of the Evil Global Conspiracy, and as such is interested in bringing about the socioeconomic collapse neccessary for them to seize power. He and his cronies like McGuinty (who despite my assertions to the contrary cannot possibly be as stupid as he lets on- he is after all a vertebrate), Dubya, and evil organizations like the WTO, World Bank, the UN and the people who created the Care Bears (you just knew they were really evil in some way, didn't you?).
5) Bill doesn't have quite enough money, so until the socioeconomic collapse he has to get donations from advertising companies to buy bread, water, and the recreational drugs that give him these ideas.
6) Bill gets a kick out of stickin' it to us.
...
McGuinty did send me my bribery check, $500 just as he agreed without my collusion... and as I mentioned last time it was just at an appropriate time to purchase my new machine. Since I know he is using it to spy on me, I've transplanted a lot of the junk he put in the hard drive for me to a computer at a drive thru coffee shop in Des Moines, and have my webcam hooked up with a telescope attachment in the air duct system of an apartment building in St, John's, pointed straight at the back door of a porno theatre. That should keep him busy. In the meanwhile I continuously feed my computer disinformation in the hopes that he'll send the Men in Black to annoy someone else for a change.
...
My Internet will soon be unhooked temporarily, as I recently decided I don't want to pay in the Insane Ex's name any more... Rogers informed me the only way to get the account in my name without her speaking coherently with them for a few minutes is to just stop paying them 'till they shut her down. Then I can open up an entirely new account with them at my leisure. This, folks, is the TV and internet company I actually SELECTED, which tells you how high I value the competition.
...
The smurfs are coming along nicely, although Gav has yet to actually learn anything at IBI- so far they just spend a couple of hours each month testing him for their evil government plans... No doubt they won't make a serious effort to deal with autism because they created it to mess with us as an experiment, similar to the syphilis experiments they did on unsuspecting minorities in the thirties.
Despite this Gav has been improving his talking on a regular basis, recently saying "Good Morning" to his sister and occassionally having short conversations with me about things that happen to him at school. Mya seems to be on a break with learning lately, and hasn't been talking much; however she is climbing down stairs more-or-less by herself and has been walking outside a lot, albeit not where I want her to.
...
Well, I gotta go now- I have a new set of bear traps I have to leave around my garbage for the Hydro Thugs to find, and these decoy cameras don't set themselves up. Catcha later,
The Non-ablative Lexiphage.
Labels: autism, politics, technology
posted by The Lexiphage at 5:36 a.m.
3 Comments:
Glad the Smufs are doing well and that your new computer is working out for you. When do you become disconnected?
I'm still pondering the choices, but I think "6) Bill gets a kick out of stickin' it to us." is the right one.
That's cool about Gav saying Good Morning and talking about things that happen at school. Progress is progress.
What a stupid system that Rogers has ... I wonder how long it'll be before they reconnect you under your own name. Boneheads!
We need more regular Lexiphage, so you must stay online.
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