Child Processing Plants
Good evening, fellow... er... fellows...
Okay, that was a weak start.
...
Have you ever noticed you can't get your loose change looking like new?
...
No... that sucks...
...
A long time a go, in a galaxy far, f- oh, yeah. That's taken.
...
Hi.
That's better.
At long last, the Lexiphage has crawled up out of the primordial ooze to regale all of you with his rich, creamy wisdom and sweet, crunchy humour. You may breathe a sigh of collective relief.
...
Down to business:
McGuinty is up to his old tricks again with his goofy plan for all-day kindergarten. The following flaws immediately began to flop around on my floor upon my perusal of his manifesto:
1) As is traditional these days, the $500 million the plan will cost is delayed considerably, however, McGuinty expects the accolades and respect today.
2) McGuinty and his cronies are fully aware that the $200 million allocated for the first year will not be enough to properly implement the program, the $300 million may or may not be enough to finish it up prior to the next election, and the guy who is supposed to organize it for Weiner Boy is being paid an 'undisclosed amount'... Hmmm.... I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt and assume the guy isn't taking the whole half-billion himself to blow on cocaine and expensive cuff links.
3) The first year of the program will be the second last year of McGuinty's mandate, which as mentioned above is acknowledged as not being workable; the second year of the program will be in full swing as the election begins, ensuring that we will not have any statistics as to how well the program is working, assuming it works at all... if the project is entirely screwed up so monumentally that we need no statistics to notice, McGuinty can say "Well, the program is only just starting... no one could organize it this fast...", but if it seems to be working well, then it'll be because they organized it so fast. If they get re-elected, they have another four years to slack off, so it doesn't matter if it works well or not. If they do not get re-elected, then the stats for how they screwed up won't come out until the next government is in power, and Weiner Boy can point the finger at them for screwing up his bright idea.
...
It warms my heart to know that our children, as soon as they begin their immensely valuable education to shape the world of tomorrow, will have their welfares entirely ignored in favour of extending the career of an incompetent boob.
...
It is interesting to note that through the whole recent election, McGuinty was chanting hippie love slogans about togetherness for our kids, and how dividing our children by religion was evil. Now, scant months later, Toronto is apparently getting a black-only school. Jewish school bad, black school good. Interesting...
...
On the home front, despite McGuinty's best efforts the Smurfs are doing well, the Elder Smurf's IBI therapy seems to be cranking up the thinkometer well, and the Younger Smurf is using many short phrases and single words since she got into Autistic Junior Kindergarten... The Neighbour Lady is still lurking in the background somewhere, and the Insane Ex is busily weaving baskets with her toes due to the interference of the straightjacket.
...
Lastly, the Lair is once again online, and the Lexiphage is at large and in charge therein; I have a lot of mischeif and complaining to make up for during my sabbatical, but luckily the Hydro Thugs and Men in Black seem reluctant to reveal their machinations on my home turf... Rogers had a great deal to say regarding my cyber-resurrection, and I was forced into many golden handshakes and shady deals to win them over. Even still, my cell phone and internet accounts apparently may not be amalgamated without me duelling the regional manager to the death on a narrow bridge over a pit of lava, so I have to make sure I have an EMP device to interfere with the video cameras and hob-nails in my boots. Two men enter, one man leaves should be evidence enough... also, I should sharpen my epee and hook my homemade stungun into a tin breastplate in case he gets a lucky hit.
...
Lots to do, and little time, so I'll see you later and keep you informed.
Asta la vista,
The Vituperative Lexiphage.
Okay, that was a weak start.
...
Have you ever noticed you can't get your loose change looking like new?
...
No... that sucks...
...
A long time a go, in a galaxy far, f- oh, yeah. That's taken.
...
Hi.
That's better.
At long last, the Lexiphage has crawled up out of the primordial ooze to regale all of you with his rich, creamy wisdom and sweet, crunchy humour. You may breathe a sigh of collective relief.
...
Down to business:
McGuinty is up to his old tricks again with his goofy plan for all-day kindergarten. The following flaws immediately began to flop around on my floor upon my perusal of his manifesto:
1) As is traditional these days, the $500 million the plan will cost is delayed considerably, however, McGuinty expects the accolades and respect today.
2) McGuinty and his cronies are fully aware that the $200 million allocated for the first year will not be enough to properly implement the program, the $300 million may or may not be enough to finish it up prior to the next election, and the guy who is supposed to organize it for Weiner Boy is being paid an 'undisclosed amount'... Hmmm.... I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt and assume the guy isn't taking the whole half-billion himself to blow on cocaine and expensive cuff links.
3) The first year of the program will be the second last year of McGuinty's mandate, which as mentioned above is acknowledged as not being workable; the second year of the program will be in full swing as the election begins, ensuring that we will not have any statistics as to how well the program is working, assuming it works at all... if the project is entirely screwed up so monumentally that we need no statistics to notice, McGuinty can say "Well, the program is only just starting... no one could organize it this fast...", but if it seems to be working well, then it'll be because they organized it so fast. If they get re-elected, they have another four years to slack off, so it doesn't matter if it works well or not. If they do not get re-elected, then the stats for how they screwed up won't come out until the next government is in power, and Weiner Boy can point the finger at them for screwing up his bright idea.
...
It warms my heart to know that our children, as soon as they begin their immensely valuable education to shape the world of tomorrow, will have their welfares entirely ignored in favour of extending the career of an incompetent boob.
...
It is interesting to note that through the whole recent election, McGuinty was chanting hippie love slogans about togetherness for our kids, and how dividing our children by religion was evil. Now, scant months later, Toronto is apparently getting a black-only school. Jewish school bad, black school good. Interesting...
...
On the home front, despite McGuinty's best efforts the Smurfs are doing well, the Elder Smurf's IBI therapy seems to be cranking up the thinkometer well, and the Younger Smurf is using many short phrases and single words since she got into Autistic Junior Kindergarten... The Neighbour Lady is still lurking in the background somewhere, and the Insane Ex is busily weaving baskets with her toes due to the interference of the straightjacket.
...
Lastly, the Lair is once again online, and the Lexiphage is at large and in charge therein; I have a lot of mischeif and complaining to make up for during my sabbatical, but luckily the Hydro Thugs and Men in Black seem reluctant to reveal their machinations on my home turf... Rogers had a great deal to say regarding my cyber-resurrection, and I was forced into many golden handshakes and shady deals to win them over. Even still, my cell phone and internet accounts apparently may not be amalgamated without me duelling the regional manager to the death on a narrow bridge over a pit of lava, so I have to make sure I have an EMP device to interfere with the video cameras and hob-nails in my boots. Two men enter, one man leaves should be evidence enough... also, I should sharpen my epee and hook my homemade stungun into a tin breastplate in case he gets a lucky hit.
...
Lots to do, and little time, so I'll see you later and keep you informed.
Asta la vista,
The Vituperative Lexiphage.
posted by The Lexiphage at 9:11 p.m.
1 Comments:
Ah, Lexiphage, it's good to have you and your vituperous comments back. It was good to enjoy your "rich, creamy wisdom and sweet, crunchy humour" once again.
I'm sure the basket weaver would be happy to have been acknowledged in such a complimntary way.
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