A Lexipharious Primer
Hello again everyone. Well, it has been a while since I began blogging, and I figured to start off this edition I would fill in those who are just joining us... I have to do something to fill up this space.
Cast of characters on Lair of the Lexiphage:
The Lexiphage: that's me. Imagine that! If you want to know more get off your lazy butt and read my profile. I change it every once in a while just to keep the Men in Black guessing.
The Smurfs: my two autistic kids. When I forget my usual paranoia I refer to them by their real names, but luckily for everyone today, I'm at my usual trigger-happy, post-traumatic stress disorder frame of mind, and as such will refer to them as the Senior and Smaller Smurfs.
Weiner Boy: my most frequent libel victim, Weiner Boy is this Evil Overlord of Ontario, everyone's favourite poster boy Mr. McGuinty. Weiner Boy is mainly concerned with standing up under his own power and not drooling too much while his handlers train him to bark out lies like a poorly handled seal. I am at odds as to whether Weiner Boy is incredibly dishonest or just stupid, but I'm inclined to believe both, making him a perfect figurehead for the evil puppetmasters that rule our country.
The Circle of Evil: This is the shadowy organization which, through subterfuge and insinuation rule our world for their own, insidious purposes, and include such villians as the cable company, the phone company, most of the government, any expert the newspaper quotes opinons from, Buzz Hargrove, the Liberal Party, Quebec, lawyers in general, Bill Gates, and countless others. Generally they run everything but can be counted on to stymie each other with political backstabbing and power struggles, except when it comes to stamping on the common people of the world, which they all agree to on principle.
Fiddling Granny, Mr Gryper, the Guru, My Biggest Fan, et. al: These are listed in the sidebar over there -----> and comprise primarily blood relatives, extended family, and co-conspirators. Check out their blogs to get a more detailed lowdown on them.
The Men in Black and the Hydro Thugs: These are the evil minions of the Circle of Evil, and generally their multitudinous and ubiquitous organizations spend much of their time and government-funded budget harrassing me. I often enjoy returning the favour.
...
If I think about anyone else I can edit this post so it's easy to refer to. In the meanwhile I should vacate my backup bunker as my sonar is picking up footsteps leading up the path, and the footsteps sound like black dress shoes.
...
Fiddling Granny has brought it to my attention that I left out The Insane Ex and The Neighbour Lady. Alas, 'tis true; I have been without anything to rant on the subject of the Insane Ex for quite some time now as she is apparently under heavy sedation in a padded room somewhere, such that her blood-curdling howls for several of my internal organs goes unheard... Also, the Neighbour Lady, who is my current main squeeze and the Smurfs' favourite female role model... More on them both, no doubt, in another blog. Thanks, Granny!
...
I'll rant about something more productive later,
The Obligatory Lexiphage.
Cast of characters on Lair of the Lexiphage:
The Lexiphage: that's me. Imagine that! If you want to know more get off your lazy butt and read my profile. I change it every once in a while just to keep the Men in Black guessing.
The Smurfs: my two autistic kids. When I forget my usual paranoia I refer to them by their real names, but luckily for everyone today, I'm at my usual trigger-happy, post-traumatic stress disorder frame of mind, and as such will refer to them as the Senior and Smaller Smurfs.
Weiner Boy: my most frequent libel victim, Weiner Boy is this Evil Overlord of Ontario, everyone's favourite poster boy Mr. McGuinty. Weiner Boy is mainly concerned with standing up under his own power and not drooling too much while his handlers train him to bark out lies like a poorly handled seal. I am at odds as to whether Weiner Boy is incredibly dishonest or just stupid, but I'm inclined to believe both, making him a perfect figurehead for the evil puppetmasters that rule our country.
The Circle of Evil: This is the shadowy organization which, through subterfuge and insinuation rule our world for their own, insidious purposes, and include such villians as the cable company, the phone company, most of the government, any expert the newspaper quotes opinons from, Buzz Hargrove, the Liberal Party, Quebec, lawyers in general, Bill Gates, and countless others. Generally they run everything but can be counted on to stymie each other with political backstabbing and power struggles, except when it comes to stamping on the common people of the world, which they all agree to on principle.
Fiddling Granny, Mr Gryper, the Guru, My Biggest Fan, et. al: These are listed in the sidebar over there -----> and comprise primarily blood relatives, extended family, and co-conspirators. Check out their blogs to get a more detailed lowdown on them.
The Men in Black and the Hydro Thugs: These are the evil minions of the Circle of Evil, and generally their multitudinous and ubiquitous organizations spend much of their time and government-funded budget harrassing me. I often enjoy returning the favour.
...
If I think about anyone else I can edit this post so it's easy to refer to. In the meanwhile I should vacate my backup bunker as my sonar is picking up footsteps leading up the path, and the footsteps sound like black dress shoes.
...
Fiddling Granny has brought it to my attention that I left out The Insane Ex and The Neighbour Lady. Alas, 'tis true; I have been without anything to rant on the subject of the Insane Ex for quite some time now as she is apparently under heavy sedation in a padded room somewhere, such that her blood-curdling howls for several of my internal organs goes unheard... Also, the Neighbour Lady, who is my current main squeeze and the Smurfs' favourite female role model... More on them both, no doubt, in another blog. Thanks, Granny!
...
I'll rant about something more productive later,
The Obligatory Lexiphage.
posted by The Lexiphage at 11:03 a.m.
1 Comments:
What a relief getting caught up.
I was worried that the Men in Black had managed to catch up with you in the spacious den under the overpass. You missed acouple of people in the primer ... the neighbour lady and the drooling ex.
Looking forward to lots more paranoic(sp?)updates. Hopefully the nasty cable company will see their way clear to do the right thing.
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