The Great Grocery Adventure
Hiya to all internetites.
Here yet again.
So I was having a frustrating day today, involving a late cab with a snotty driver, hollering kids and so on, when I finally end up at the trusty doughnut shop. I order my usual assortment of kid-bait and coffee, and while they are retreiving it I realize I have no cash. I still have some in the bank, though, so I can run over and grab cash at the ATM next door. A neighbour is in the store as well, so I ask her to watch Mya, who is precariously balanced between napping and shrieking, and therefore can't be moved until the balance shifts.
I take Gavin with me next door... mistake number one. If you've ever tried to remove a 4-year old from a doughnut shop prior to his doughnut infusion, you'll have a rough idea of the volume of protest I recieved. Gavin refused to listen to my explanation and figures we must be going shopping (the ATM is outside of a grocery store) and attempts to go inside twice while I wait in line. Once the machine has my card, Gavin bolts.
Fool that I am, I assume that Gavin is within line-of-sight and howling for doughnuts, and therefore impossible to lose. During the brief moment when I am pulling my cash and card from the infernal machine, Gavin dissappears between three shopping carts; however it appears he's headed just outside the door, and someone hand-signals me something which apparently I misinterpret confirms my suspicions.
...
As soon as my belongings are safely in my hand Gavin's shouting stops, and I run outside to where I THOUGHT I had seen him last. No sign... I ask a bystander if she's seen a wailing four-year-old pass by, and she is clueless. I look along the sidewalk in each direction... no Gavin. So I go into the store... no Gavin. I ask the first cashier, the one right in front of the door if she's seen him. Not a sign. I dash back and forth out of the store and around the surrounding area, looking for an apparently invisible child, seeing and hearing nothing.
Of course, Mya is still in the hands of a neighbour the next store over, but I can't return there minus a child...
In the grocery store, I and a nearby customer suddenly hear wailing and hollering again as apparently Gavin suddenly realizes I'm not behind him- in the space of maybe a minute he's on the far side of the store where a clerk who knows me is already leading him back to the entrance and myself. After a round of profuse thank-yous, I return to my other offspring who is sleeping soundly.
Gavin is so shaken by the ordeal he doesn't want the damn doughnuts any more, and instead shifts back and forth between crying, drinking chocolate milk, holding my hand, and attempting to tell me what happened.
...
After all that, I really needed my coffee, so I hooked Gavin up to a chocolate milk IV and alternated between chugging caffeine and consoling the boy.
Gavin is now secured to a 6-litre engine block in the basement with six feet of cow chain. But he gets to watch Dora the Explorer from there, so we're both happy.
Have a good weekend,
the Paternal Lexiphage.
Here yet again.
So I was having a frustrating day today, involving a late cab with a snotty driver, hollering kids and so on, when I finally end up at the trusty doughnut shop. I order my usual assortment of kid-bait and coffee, and while they are retreiving it I realize I have no cash. I still have some in the bank, though, so I can run over and grab cash at the ATM next door. A neighbour is in the store as well, so I ask her to watch Mya, who is precariously balanced between napping and shrieking, and therefore can't be moved until the balance shifts.
I take Gavin with me next door... mistake number one. If you've ever tried to remove a 4-year old from a doughnut shop prior to his doughnut infusion, you'll have a rough idea of the volume of protest I recieved. Gavin refused to listen to my explanation and figures we must be going shopping (the ATM is outside of a grocery store) and attempts to go inside twice while I wait in line. Once the machine has my card, Gavin bolts.
Fool that I am, I assume that Gavin is within line-of-sight and howling for doughnuts, and therefore impossible to lose. During the brief moment when I am pulling my cash and card from the infernal machine, Gavin dissappears between three shopping carts; however it appears he's headed just outside the door, and someone hand-signals me something which apparently I misinterpret confirms my suspicions.
...
As soon as my belongings are safely in my hand Gavin's shouting stops, and I run outside to where I THOUGHT I had seen him last. No sign... I ask a bystander if she's seen a wailing four-year-old pass by, and she is clueless. I look along the sidewalk in each direction... no Gavin. So I go into the store... no Gavin. I ask the first cashier, the one right in front of the door if she's seen him. Not a sign. I dash back and forth out of the store and around the surrounding area, looking for an apparently invisible child, seeing and hearing nothing.
Of course, Mya is still in the hands of a neighbour the next store over, but I can't return there minus a child...
In the grocery store, I and a nearby customer suddenly hear wailing and hollering again as apparently Gavin suddenly realizes I'm not behind him- in the space of maybe a minute he's on the far side of the store where a clerk who knows me is already leading him back to the entrance and myself. After a round of profuse thank-yous, I return to my other offspring who is sleeping soundly.
Gavin is so shaken by the ordeal he doesn't want the damn doughnuts any more, and instead shifts back and forth between crying, drinking chocolate milk, holding my hand, and attempting to tell me what happened.
...
After all that, I really needed my coffee, so I hooked Gavin up to a chocolate milk IV and alternated between chugging caffeine and consoling the boy.
Gavin is now secured to a 6-litre engine block in the basement with six feet of cow chain. But he gets to watch Dora the Explorer from there, so we're both happy.
Have a good weekend,
the Paternal Lexiphage.
posted by The Lexiphage at 3:12 p.m.
2 Comments:
I sue wouldn't find your day amusing while living it, but I certainly had a good laugh reading it. There are some things that I don't miss about children.
Old ladies always said to me one day you'll look back on all this, and say 'where did the time go'. Much as I adored my little kids, much as I miss all the little nice things, warm hugs etc. I wouldn't go back in time for anything.
I'm with you Susan, while it was ongoing it would be stress to the power of 100. Sitting comfortable in fromt of my computer with all my ducks in a row, I found that really funny!
Keep blogging Lexiphage.
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