Catching up with the world
Greetings once again!
Sorry for not being here for all of you for... er... four months... I was testing a new method of hibernation- distilled all the preservatives from what was advertised as an all-natural salad and mixed the extract with milk on my breakfast cereal... The smurfs were pretty ticked off with me once I woke; I pretty much had to forgive them for eating my whole backup supply of cheerios and crackers, but I wasn't happy about it.
...
Let's see- McGuinty has been busy as hell stealing funding from autistic kids and having 13-year old blind pitbulls shot, and most importantly, making excuses and goofy speeches. Par for the course for him. He must be running out of stupid ideas- there's a lot of competition for them- Jack Layton is behind schedule on hiring idiots to throw bricks at cops so that the homeless people (who Jack didn't hire) can be used as convenient damsels in distress; the goof in charge of the Federal liberals has got to come up with more ineffective methods of protecting the environment so that he can blame the Conservatives when they don't work; of course our Prime Minister, whilst not quite in the league of these logic acrobats, needs to take at least 50% stupid for any bill which contains any good ideas (I think the CRTC is behind that- good ideas aren't supposed to count as Canadian Content. If you don't believe me watch a Canadian movie). Harper has been our PM for a couple of years now I guess (I forget the actual date- didn't read as many newspapers while I was unconscious) and to date has succeeded in keeping a couple of scandals below the level Chretien was fond of ("I know dat I am carrying dis big bag of de cash, am soaked in de blood and am standing in front of a tree-kilometer line of de corpses which is leading to de bank, but I delegate de responsibility for dat so I don't know what happened...") and raising the age for sexual consent up to 16 from 14 (that only took 140 years!). Otherwise it appears his goal has been to mildly annoy as wide a cross-section of people as is possible...
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The Smurfs are doing well- the larger smurf has levelled off for a while on his speaking, but seems to be working on other areas... so long as he's coming along I can't complain... the smaller smurf has been speaking with increasing regularity, and is showing piles of enthusiasm for cooking, if not eating the results... her piano playing is coming along very well- she regularly reproduces short strings from songs she likes and practises scales ad nauseum...
...
The Men in Black and the Hydro Thugs found my hideout and were rampaging around the place when I woke up from my snooze; I had to disarm them in hand-to-hand combat and knock them out with a small copy of my manifesto. When they came to they were tied up, and I read them the manifesto to pass the time... apparently the psychological damage they suffered as a result caused them to mental-block their memories of the Lair, so I guess the secret location is still safe. I kept some of the Hydro Thugs' electrified nunchuks and the Men in Black had some files in their car I had to look over and photocopy while they were out... hope no one gets in trouble over that one...
...
Oh well... enough of that for now... don't want the same effect as my Manifesto on my loyal fans... Hopefully I'll stay off my pudgy behind enough in the future to keep in touch more regularly.
Bye bye now,
The Anti-tergiversant Lexiphage
Sorry for not being here for all of you for... er... four months... I was testing a new method of hibernation- distilled all the preservatives from what was advertised as an all-natural salad and mixed the extract with milk on my breakfast cereal... The smurfs were pretty ticked off with me once I woke; I pretty much had to forgive them for eating my whole backup supply of cheerios and crackers, but I wasn't happy about it.
...
Let's see- McGuinty has been busy as hell stealing funding from autistic kids and having 13-year old blind pitbulls shot, and most importantly, making excuses and goofy speeches. Par for the course for him. He must be running out of stupid ideas- there's a lot of competition for them- Jack Layton is behind schedule on hiring idiots to throw bricks at cops so that the homeless people (who Jack didn't hire) can be used as convenient damsels in distress; the goof in charge of the Federal liberals has got to come up with more ineffective methods of protecting the environment so that he can blame the Conservatives when they don't work; of course our Prime Minister, whilst not quite in the league of these logic acrobats, needs to take at least 50% stupid for any bill which contains any good ideas (I think the CRTC is behind that- good ideas aren't supposed to count as Canadian Content. If you don't believe me watch a Canadian movie). Harper has been our PM for a couple of years now I guess (I forget the actual date- didn't read as many newspapers while I was unconscious) and to date has succeeded in keeping a couple of scandals below the level Chretien was fond of ("I know dat I am carrying dis big bag of de cash, am soaked in de blood and am standing in front of a tree-kilometer line of de corpses which is leading to de bank, but I delegate de responsibility for dat so I don't know what happened...") and raising the age for sexual consent up to 16 from 14 (that only took 140 years!). Otherwise it appears his goal has been to mildly annoy as wide a cross-section of people as is possible...
...
The Smurfs are doing well- the larger smurf has levelled off for a while on his speaking, but seems to be working on other areas... so long as he's coming along I can't complain... the smaller smurf has been speaking with increasing regularity, and is showing piles of enthusiasm for cooking, if not eating the results... her piano playing is coming along very well- she regularly reproduces short strings from songs she likes and practises scales ad nauseum...
...
The Men in Black and the Hydro Thugs found my hideout and were rampaging around the place when I woke up from my snooze; I had to disarm them in hand-to-hand combat and knock them out with a small copy of my manifesto. When they came to they were tied up, and I read them the manifesto to pass the time... apparently the psychological damage they suffered as a result caused them to mental-block their memories of the Lair, so I guess the secret location is still safe. I kept some of the Hydro Thugs' electrified nunchuks and the Men in Black had some files in their car I had to look over and photocopy while they were out... hope no one gets in trouble over that one...
...
Oh well... enough of that for now... don't want the same effect as my Manifesto on my loyal fans... Hopefully I'll stay off my pudgy behind enough in the future to keep in touch more regularly.
Bye bye now,
The Anti-tergiversant Lexiphage
posted by The Lexiphage at 6:44 p.m.
5 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Shut up, Yusufyusuf. I vow from this day forward to never buy a Coleman Six- or Seven- Person tent of any kind. If I encounter one I will set it on fire and bury the remains. Hopefully you will be inside it and learn not to send me your garbage.
So Smurf II is a budding virtuoso. Yay!! She takes after Granny and Mrs Gryper. What keyboard is she using?
Maybe Smurf I would like a set of drums! Suddenly the scales would sound great.
I don't care if it is a little piano with coloured keys. A musician is a musician. I still think she's abudding virtuoso. LOL
I'm pretty proud of her too... I may complain on my blog, but that's just habit- I'm not used to saying anything nice in type.
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